Make a date with the real world

“Would you like to play a game on my mobile while we wait,” Ranjana asked her mother as they settled down at the clinic for their appointment. There were ten people ahead of them in the queue. Her mother was not interested. “There’s enough happening here around us to keep me occupied,” she said. Ranjana looked around. A young couple with a child, random college types, two elderly ladies, a few families…what was there to watch? She went back to her game. She missed what her mother saw — bustling, aching, tough life, milling all around. In clinics and markets, on buses and trains there are incredible opportunities for observing and learning from life. Watching a mother and child, observing the body language of people, guessing context from snatches of conversation in an unknown language — these help to develop empathy, compassion and a deep understanding of human nature. Observing life is the first step to connecting with life. “Why should I know about things that happen around me? I am just not interested,” protested Anna, when her parents urged her to take an interest in local affairs. The streets in her area were full of potholes, and street lights did not work. While she cribbed and complained of an aching back when riding her bike, Anna never tried to do anything about the roads. Real vs. virtual world For most young people, college life is a cooling off period after the heat and stress of Plus Two. Hanging out with friends, lounging in a coffee shop and drowning in the attractions offered by gadgets are popular pastimes. But there is a life and world beyond the dazzle of technology and campus fun. This is a dimension that young people routinely fail to perceive, let alone engage with. When, into his third year of college, Samir did not know what medicine to take for a severe headache, his parents were furious. “Isn’t it time you knew how to take care of yourself?” his dad asked him. “Can’t you cut that mobile a bit and note what’s happening around you? What do others take when they have a headache, for example?” Samir and his friends would protest that they were always engaging with people — but online. That was the way of the next generation. Indeed, they were constantly engaged in the virtual world. But connecting in the virtual world is not the same as engaging with the real world. The virtual world has its uses and has helped build special skills in us. But engaging with the world is not the same as being active online. Technology skills are not the only skills that will serve you in the world. Communication technology gives you the comfort of anonymity and control over what you want to say or be and to whom and how. But the real world is a different kettle of fish. It is more unpredictable and throws up more imponderable situations than the homogenous crowd you choose to engage with online. In the real world, you cannot hide behind the shield of anonymity or craft an identity that does not match your personality or temperament. Here, people do not have simply a cache of words, emoticons, profile photos and status updates to judge you by. Every flicker of your eyelids and shift of your shoulders narrates a story about you. Every day tosses a new challenge at you that tests your skills to manage your life. Become independent In the real world, you need to know a lot of things to survive — from fixing a fuse that blew to sewing a button, to knowing what to do if you lose your passport, to planning a strategy for a job interview and much more. Young adulthood is the time to build the skills and attitudes for life. This is when life affords plenty of opportunities and time. It forgives mistakes and indulgently reaches out to the falterer. But only if you make an attempt — that begins with actively engaging with life. Roop would leave his clothes for the helpers in his hostel to wash. If the helpers did not turn up, his laundry would pile up. When his parents suggested that he should wash up at least when help was not around, he replied snappily. “That’s not my job. I can’t be bothered.” Not that there was no time. He spent more time playing games on his mobile than the helper spent on his laundry. Indifference and apathy are convenient attitudes until something messes one up. But we need not wait for a life-changing crisis to goad us into learning new ways to live. If only we could put that mobile or tab away for a while, pick up a newspaper, watch people around us, talk to them and dirty our hands up to the elbows doing things we felt were ‘beneath our dignity’, we could pick up sufficient knowledge and skill to become truly independent and proactive in spirit. All that it requires is that you make a date with the real world – and keep it. After all, it is your world. Email: sumathi.sudhakar@gmail.com